There has been a trend in recent years of individuals who prefer to isolate and adopt the “lone wolf” mindset. These people choose to live alone and find it appealing and “cool”.

There exist online communities of both women and men who propagate the notion that they can thrive independently without the need for each other’s company, or anybody, for that matter. Additionally, even in our music, this idea is even more fostered.

We also have individuals, such as incels, who may experience loneliness and isolation due to their circumstances. They are not choosing to be lonely. This has created a toxic problem, especially on the internet. On one hand, we have a group fighting for their life to escape isolation, and on the other, some voluntarily seek it.

Where is the balance?

When considering this problem, the following verse comes to mind:

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

– Genesis 2:18, NIV

I returned to this verse and it piqued my interest, especially in this season of my life. Not in the sense of relationships or marriage, but more so in the context of self-development, well-being, and the functionality of our society.

For context, this verse primarily refers to Adam’s solitude in the garden. God noticed this and decided to create Eve to provide companionship. When discussing marriage, this verse is often brought up. I would be surprised if this verse is not mentioned at your local wedding.

Whenever this verse is touched upon, I have wondered why it is not good to be alone

don’t question it in the context of marriage, as I strongly believe in marriage and have a decent understanding of what it refers to in terms of marriage.

However, I question it more in the sense of personal development and a way of life.

Can we benefit at all from being alone?

I believe that we certainly can. But an even better question, in my opinion, is:

How long can one sustain in the season of isolation?

At some point in our lives, we will find ourselves isolated or alone. I think it’s inevitable.

I must say that isolation is not conducive to our well-being, not only in the context of marriage, which is what most people think about when they read this verse. It is also true in life, generally speaking.

I would go even further to say that prolonged isolation is dangerous.

Alone vs Lonely

When I think of the word “lonely,” I immediately think about the song by Akon. It’s not a song you’d listen to when you want to get in a better mood, at least in my opinion. So, It is fair to say the word “lonely” carries a negative connotation to it.

We need to distinguish between aloneness and loneliness. I believe that by recognizing the difference, one can approach the season of isolation from a better perspective, as this is inevitable.

Diogenes , (1873), by Jules Bastien-Lepage
What is the difference?

One might find oneself “alone” or “lonely” in their view of the world or the absence of company around them.

When you’re “lonely,” you are essentially alone, but the difference is that you feel moody about it. Loneliness comes with a void, emotions, and a sense that something is not being fulfilled internally. One feels lonely when their emotions are triggered due to a lack of company. Anchoring on this perception can lead to a crisis and self-destruction, because the truth is, we are not meant to be lonely.

On the other hand, aloneness is recognizing that you are alone without attaching the emotional content associated with it. Being alone could actually be a positive thing when emotions are not the focus. You can choose aloneness as opposed to loneliness by simply acknowledging that you are on your own for a period of time.

In fact, this can empower you in a positive way. You become solid on your own.

Some of the best creators and revolutionary thinkers have harnessed their solitude for good.

Alone time is one way to achieve progress and self-mastery.

Being alone can free you from social pressures and elevate you to a higher understanding of yourself and the world around you.

You’re not lonely, you’re just alone. This will either break or make you.

Reframing your perception can turn this into a positive thing.

My experience with isolation: Monk Mode

Over the past few years, Monk Mode has gained popularity on the internet as a self-improvement strategy, especially for men. It involves isolating oneself from the world.

The purpose of Monk Mode is to confront yourself and withdraw from the world for the sake of self-improvement. It entails eliminating distractions to focus on progress, limiting “unproductive” or “junk” activities. This can be a serious commitment, involving detaching oneself from the rest of the world and redirecting focus.

I first heard of Monk Mode in 2020, during the COVID-19 outbreak. I had tried it before, but my commitment was half-assed. It wasn’t until April of 2023 that I decided to fully embrace it.

Here are the areas I chose to focus on:

  • Decrease social media and screen time usage
  • Daily prayer
  • Writing or journaling every day
  • Limit or cut out unnecessary social outing

My reasons for adopting Monk Mode were simple:

  • Deepen my connection with Christ
  • Gain clarity in my own life
  • Find focus

I have already made significant progress this year.

For instance, creating this blog was largely possible due to the concentrated period of solitude. I am truly grateful for it.

The dangerous & dark side of monkmode

While Monkmode or self-isolation, can be advantageous in many ways, it can become addictive if practiced for an extended period on retreat.

The problem with self-isolation is that it can justify a withdrawal from life under the guise of self-development.

It can create the belief that isolation is the only path to progress and fulfillment.

To the extent that returning to everyday life becomes challenging. This means that the longer you isolate yourself, the more you reinforce the idea of staying away from building a real-life support network – which is what we ultimately want in the long term.

This summer, I found myself leaning toward the extreme of Monk Mode.

I had developed an almost militant routine and lifestyle. On the positive side, it increased my discipline, but the longer I distanced myself from people, the more I desired to remain in this lifestyle. Fortunately, I recognized this early enough to reintegrate into normality.

Improvement is rewarding, but it’s not worth losing oneself and social support in the process. The goal of self-improvement is to present a better version of oneself to the world and prolonged isolation hinders that.

The Solution

For ages, we as humans have lived in communities and tribes, and relied on the support of others. This is how we are naturally inclined to live. Straying from this pattern in the long term can lead to harm.

We understand that alone time can be beneficial, but it only becomes detrimental when it is prolonged.

Here are a few things to consider to make alone time more beneficial:

  1. Set Deadlines and Create Periods:
    • Consider periods of 2-6 months.
    • Extending beyond 6 months can become overwhelming.
  2. Have a Clear Purpose for Solitude:
    • It is essential to approach a season of isolation with clear and positive intentions.
    • Set goals for this period of time
    • Otherwise, one might become excessively fixated on this lifestyle.

The focus should be on progressing and eventually reintegrating into the world, re-connecting with others, and finding our tribe.

As for my personal journey, I will be transitioning out of Monk Mode this fall and plan to return this winter for a designated period.

I will be back to give you the summary.

Thanks for reading, my friend, and please subscribe to ensure you don’t miss any posts.

-Esaie